Anime Deathmatch
by Prismkitty
Summary: Various characters from your favorite animes fighting each other for a trophy. Head notice, Legato is the referee... ^__^
1. Round One

1 Anime Deathmatch  
  
Scene: View of a boxing ring, very reminiscent of professional wrestling with flashing lights and smoke moving across the floor. Relena and Ukyou pop up into view holding microphones.  
  
Relena: Hi folks! *bright smile and twirls hair around finger* You're watching Anime Deathmatch, where your favorites and not-so-favorites duke it out for the right to take home the Anime Deathmatch trophy! *giggle* *camera turns to show huge gold trophy with calligraphy "Anime Deathmatch Champion" written on it, full of variously colored roses. Kodachi is sprinkling something in it, sees camera, and jumps away* Personally, I think Heero *someone in audience yells "Heeeeeeero" and is promptly tackled by the nearby people. Relena glares* is going to win. And when he does, I'm going to run out and give him a big kiss, and then we'll go out to my pink limo and... *giggles some more* *camera turns to see Heero turning green and shuddering. Duo pats his shoulder and hands him a tissue*  
  
Ukyou: Well, Rowena-  
  
Relena: My name is Relena! Ree-lee-na!  
  
Ukyou: *shrug* Whatever. My Ran-chan is going to win. *various female members in the audience glare, Akane tries to jump from her seat and hit Ranma, but is held back by Soun* He's been training, and there's no way your scrawny little boy could beat my Ran-chan. *nods head proudly*  
  
Relena: Blasphemy!! *tackles Ukyou and tries to bite her. Camera turns to Touga with microphone*  
  
Touga: *mad laughter* The world is an EGG! EGG I TELL YOU!!! The revolution is upon us!!! *Akio sprints out with straitjacket, puts it on Touga, and carries him off* *Kasumi comes up in apron and picks Touga's microphone up off the ground*  
  
Kasumi: Oh, hi everyone! *smile* *in background Ukyou smacks Relena across the set with her spatula*  
  
Relena: *flying across screen* HEEEEEEEEEERO- *splats into wall* *camera turns to Heero: snicker*  
  
Kasumi: *camera facing her again* Well, our first match is Anthy versus Akane. *she covers her mouth with one hand* I hope no one is hurt!  
  
Kodachi: *off screen* Yeah, two is better!  
  
*Camera turns to ring. A poof of purple roses explodes in ring, and Anthy appears. Some applause. Someone blows a kazoo, and Akane runs out and flips into ring. A little less applause*  
  
Vash: *over P.A.* Are you ready to ruuuumble?? *crowd goes wild* Then lets get this match started! *bell dings*  
  
*Anthy and Akane start circling each other*  
  
Akane: Are you one of Ranma's fiancées?  
  
Anthy: umm.. I don't swing that way.. And besides.. he's an idiot. *tries to kick Akane, she catches her foot and flips her*  
  
Akane: *turns red* He's a macho insensitive jerk, but I'M the only one that can talk about him! *runs at Anthy, fists flying*  
  
Anthy: *ducks and punches her in the stomach*  
  
Utena: *off screen* YOU GO ANTHY!  
  
Anthy: *turns to face Utena* Do you mean that koi?  
  
Akane: *jumps up from floor, punches her in the jaw, and sweeps her feet out from under her*  
  
Utena: THAT'S A FOUL! Where's the referee?  
  
Legato: *dressed in normal clothes but there's black and white stripes down them* It's clean, no foul! *low chuckle* Yes, the humans will exterminate themselves. *mwa-ah-ah-ah*  
  
Everyone: *nervous glances at each other*  
  
Legato: What?  
  
Anthy: *shrugs and grabs Akane's ankle, pulling her down, then sits on her stomach and proceeds to slap the stuffing out of her*  
  
Akane: *banshee shrieks and pulls a mallet out of hammer-space* *smacks Anthy across the ring and into the ropes*  
  
Crowd: *gasp*  
  
Legato: *in his slow voice* one….two…three-  
  
Akane: *shrieking* CAN'T YOU COUNT ANY FASTER THAN THAT??  
  
Legato: Oh look, you've made me lose my place. One…… two-  
  
Akane: *frothing at the mouth and about to throw her mallet at him*  
  
Legato: *pales* Threefourfivesixseveneightninetenyou'reout! Akane wins!  
  
Akane: *nods to herself and leaves the ring, crowd groaning. Utena leaps from stands and starts chasing Akane holding the sword of Dios*  
  
~~~Commercial Break~~~  
  
Touga: Are you tired? Depressed? Dead? *holds up bottle* All you need is one tablespoon of Touga's World Famous and World Breaking Elixir a day and you're good to go! Why, with this elixir, I can appear in mysterious elevators and scare the crap out of my loved ones, and for just $19.99, you can too! *used car salesman-like grin*  
  
~~~back to the deathmatch~~~  
  
Kasumi: My, wasn't that exciting? *Dr. Tofuu: *nodnodnod* Yes, yes it was Kasumi my dear! * *nervous look* Ooookay then Doctor! Well, the next match is just seconds away, and this one is Ryouga versus Wufei! Good luck guys!  
  
--To make it easier to read, I'm going to break it into sections. *evil grin* The next part comes out soon. 


	2. Round Two

Round Two  
  
Kasumi: And we're back to the second round of Anime Deathmatch! To summarize, Akane Tendo just beat Anthy Himemiya with an astounding mallet swing that wasn't outlawed by the ref! Now up, Ryouga Hibiki versus Wufei Chang.. or Chang Wufei.. or Wu-chan.. whatever his name is, the guy with the greasy ponytail and white pants!  
  
Wufei: Hey!  
  
Vash: Here it is folks, the moment you've been waiting for, Round Two! Oh, and to that cute girl in the front row, my phone number is- *sounds of someone pulling mike from him* Meryl: START THE MATCH! *bell dings*  
  
Wufei: *enters ring surrounded by pigs/boars (someone's gotta recognize this), screams some gibberish at them to send 'em running, and poses* *smattering of applause*  
  
Ryouga: *in piglet form being carried by Akari in a bikini. She puts him down and pours some warm water over him, holding one of those 4th of July sparklers in her mouth* *heavy applause, Akari grins and walks back off- stage*  
  
Wufei: You have insulted my honor foul pig, and you will pay!! *pulls out katana and charges*  
  
Ryouga: *eye twitches* Did you.. just call me.. a.. PIG? *Pumbaa-yells and does breaking point finger at him*  
  
Wufei: *guffaws* Aw, did the little piglet point his finger at me, aww, I'm hurt, no, really!  
  
Ryouga: *gets to him, flicks him on the shoulder*  
  
Wufei: *more laughter*  
  
Ryouga: *pulls out umbrella and smashes him across the ring*  
  
Wufei: *twitch* itai..  
  
Ryouga: *smirk* They always fall for the finger trick..  
  
Sally: COME ON LEGATO, THAT'S GOTTA BE A FOUL!  
  
Legato: It's in.  
  
Sally: *glare*  
  
Legato: *munches on hotdog, gives Ryouga a thumbs up*  
  
Ryouga: *waves*  
  
Wufei: *peels self off of ropes, charges Ryouga with katana again* DIIEE!  
  
Ryouga: *ducks and tries to bite his arm with his cute little fangs* (ahem, sorry. I have a fondness for the pig boy)  
  
Wufei: *spears conveniently placed water bottle, it sprays Ryouga and he turns into P-chan*  
  
Akane: *oblivious* Hi P-chan!!! *waves* What're you doing in there?  
  
Ryouga: Squueee! *jumps on the ropes and bounces off, landing on Wufei's head*  
  
Wufei: *pause* *screams and runs around in circles* Getimoffgetimoffgetimoff-HE'S ON MY HEAD!!  
  
Ryouga: *sliding off, grabs onto Wu's ponytail to keep from falling, and pulls the holder out*  
  
Wufei: *his hair looks like a porcupine/afro* MY HAIR! *grabs P-chan by the tail, swings him around in circles a few times, and hurls him off into a window*  
  
Ryouga: SQUEEE-*splat*  
  
Legato: one..two..three..four.. *glance at Akane, shivers* 5-6-7-8-9-10 and heeee's out!  
  
Akane: *turning red* You.. hurt.. P-CHAN!! *flying tackles Legato, gnawing on his arm and hitting him over the head with her mallet* BAD MAN BAD MAN BAD MAN!  
  
Legato: *screaming like a 5-year-old girl*  
  
Everyone: *step back*  
  
Kasumi: *pulls camera over to face her* Well, there's the end of Round Two, with Wufei as the rather surprising victor-  
  
Wufei: Surprising? *growl*  
  
Kasumi: *offhandedly smacks him with skillet* Now lets have a word from our sponsors!  
  
~~~Commercial Break~~~  
  
Ranma: Are you unsatisfied with your appearance? Do you ever find yourself thinking you're a woman in a man's body, or the other way around? Do you ever wish you were an animal? Well, with Jusyenkyoo Tours TM you can be anything you dream to be! At least.. sometimes.. *nervous laughter* *regains confidence* And with your own personal tour guide, you'll find the right pond for /you/! *winks and smiles, Wolfwood style*  
  
~~~Back to the Deathmatch~~~  
  
Kasumi: Well, I have to go for a while everyone, but Genma is going to be taking over! Sayoonara! *hands panda a microphone and exits quickly on Dr. Tofuu's arm*  
  
Genma: Rowrf. *holds up sign: Let's just get to the next match.*  
  
~~Next chapter, next match. You know the deal.~~ 


	3. Round Three

Round Three  
  
Genma: Rowrf. *holds up sign* On with the match!  
  
Vash: Now up, my buddy Nicholas Wolfwood!! *crowd goes wild* And some twerpy kid. *crickets chirp*  
  
Twerpy Kid: HEY!  
  
Wolfwood: *climbs into ring carrying the cross and wearing sunglasses. He pulls them off and throws them to the crowd, then winks to the females* *females: going nuts and cheering*  
  
Twerpy Kid: *huge Pokeball lands in the ring, Ash climbs out with pikachu* *raises fists in the air* *silence* *pikachu electrocutes everyone* *the crowd goes wild* That's better…  
  
Vash: Begin! *bell dings*  
  
Wolfwood: You sure you're up for this, kid? Wouldn't want to hurt you or anything..*grin*  
  
Ash: *turns hat backwards* I'm ready for anything you got! I'm going to be a pokemon master, and-  
  
Wolfwood: Yeah yeah yeah, just checking. *pulls cloth off of the cross*  
  
Ash: *eyes go huge* Uhh…  
  
Wolfwood: Here we go.. *picks up two guns and hefts them* Perfect.  
  
Brock: *in crowd* Ash, metal conducts electricity!  
  
Ash: *stares at him* And…  
  
Brock: *sigh* Guns are made of metal.  
  
Ash: *still baffled* And…  
  
Brock: *bangs his head on the seat in front of him* What type of pokemon is pikachu?  
  
Ash: Electric mouse..  
  
Brock: THINK!!!  
  
Wolfwood: *clunks Ash over the head with the cross* Are we fighting here or having a tea party?  
  
Ash: Uhh…  
  
Brock: You're fighting moron! Pikachu, thunder bolt the priest man and get it over with!  
  
Legato: *blows whistle* No outside help is allowed during a match! *Monev and Dynamites Neon haul Brock out of the stands and carry him off*  
  
Ash: *squawks* YOU'RE OUTLAWING /THAT/?!?!?  
  
Wolfwood: *shrug* Tough break kid. *fires next to pikachu* I suggest you start fighting and make this interesting.  
  
Ash: *pouts and sits down in a corner of the ring* No. I don't wanna play.  
  
Wolfwood: *picks up pikachu and hurls him out of the ring*  
  
Ash: HEY! *launches himself at Wolfie's legs and bites his ankles*  
  
Wolfwood: *punts him across the ring* Play nice twerp.  
  
Ash: *unconscious, muttering something about Misty having cooties*  
  
Misty: Lemme at him, lemme at him!!! *Restrained by people sitting around her*  
  
Legato: One..Two..Three..Four..Five..Six..Seven.. *Ash stirs* eightnineten you'reoutmidgetman!  
  
Wolfwood: *laughs loudly and exits ring, and is quickly swarmed by rabid fan girls.. and guys*  
  
Genma: *holds up sign* Wolfwood won, the villagers cheer, yada yada yada. *flips sign over* Now a word from our sponsors.  
  
~~~Commercial Break~~~  
  
Akane: If you're a pathetic pasty pest in need of protection from all the big bad bullies in the world out to get you, call Akane's Mallet Protections inc. You harass 'em, we smash 'em. *hefts mallet*  
  
~~~Back to the Deathmatch~~~  
  
Genma: *human form* Well, you saw it here first. Nicholas D. Wolfwood defeated Ash Ketchum, and the electric rat. Tune in next time for Round Three! 


End file.
